My first post in this blog is in response to the “100 Word Challenge for Grownups” week 28, found here at Julia’s place:
100-word-challenge-for-grown-ups-week-28/
The challenge is to take a prompt, and use it creatively within 100 words. The 100 words are in addition to the prompt, so if the prompt is 4 words, one can write up to 104 words for the challenge. The prompt for this one: …you bought her what… My entry is 104 words total, and believe me, it wasn’t easy to get it down to that. This is the kind of challenge I love!
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…you bought her what…
“You bought her what?” The words shot out like bullets, each one precisely aimed and hitting the target.
John hated it when Lynn spoke in bullets. It smashed his joy.
“It’s her sixteenth birthday. It’s special. I bought her a car.”
“Take it back.” More bullets.
“Give me one good reason.”
The bullets bled down into pleading pain. “You know why”
“Lynn,” John gathered her into his arms. He felt the tension leave her body as tears wet his shoulder. “That was years ago. No seatbelts or airbags. This isn’t the same.”
Wetness grew. Barely a whisper now, “Please, take it back.”
He did.
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104 words 🙂 Thanks for reading,
Judee
write tuit 
Posted by fracturedangel on February 5, 2012 at 04:05
I love the creativity in describing words as “like bullets.” It gives me a vivid feel for what’s going on. I loved reading this1
Posted by Judee on February 5, 2012 at 09:24
Funny, I don’t know where that came from it just popped into my mind, one of those lucky ideas, I guess. Thank you for stopping by and commenting.
Posted by annahalford (@anhalf) on January 29, 2012 at 23:19
Super writing..two stories intwined in 100 words. Great stuff!
Posted by Judee on January 30, 2012 at 09:07
Thank you for the lovely comment anna. 🙂
Posted by Judee on January 29, 2012 at 22:36
Thank you so much Julia, I really enjoyed jumping in, and look forward to future challenges. Don’t know if I’ll manage each week, but I’ll try. It’s a wonderful way to exercise the creative side of writing and such a challenge to keep it short.
Posted by jfb57 on January 29, 2012 at 18:21
This is so sad and has so much in it. I was so impressed with the bullets – what a brilliant way to describe those exchanges when you want the words to hurt. Then the ending – oh gosh – fabulous! Thank you SOoo much for joining our weekly foray into penmanship!
Posted by orples on January 29, 2012 at 15:49
Ah! The magic word “Please”. I like the way you divided your blogs according to subject and enjoyed your article on this one.
Posted by Judee on January 29, 2012 at 17:19
Thank you, and I’m glad it wasn’t too confusing with all the blogs. I just work better that way. 🙂
Posted by orples on January 29, 2012 at 17:25
You are smart in separating your blogs. I should do the same. Supposedly, I am trying to promote my first published book on my blog . . . yeah right! I keep getting side tracked. Such is life. Oh well, I have to admit, I am enjoying myself along the way.
Posted by Judee on January 29, 2012 at 09:17
I’m glad you felt the tension, thanks so much for the comment.
Posted by IsobelandCat on January 28, 2012 at 21:47
What a lot of emotion you have packed into this.mhow will the tension be diffused between these two players.
Posted by Midlife Singlemum on January 27, 2012 at 23:00
Very powerful and moving piece. Well done.
Posted by Judee on January 29, 2012 at 09:15
I’m glad you liked it, thanks for dropping by.
Posted by Lorely on January 26, 2012 at 19:47
I left a comment the other day, but some blogs just swallow comments up – NO idea where they spit them out! I liked this very much – it was very powerful and very sad. And I’m glad the car was vetoed – 16 is too young to be footloose and free in a car, even without the history in this case!
Posted by Judee on January 29, 2012 at 17:23
Lorely, I’m sorry your comment got lost, I just found both of htem in the spam filter – which I didn’t even realize existed until today. Thank you so much for commenting, I appreciate it.
Posted by buddhafulkat on January 26, 2012 at 16:37
Each word packs a punch. Speaking in bullets – great effect. Wonderful writing!
Posted by Judee on January 26, 2012 at 17:33
Thank you so much!
Posted by Sally-Jayne on January 25, 2012 at 21:31
This was amazing – a story AND a back story all in 100 words. Well done!
Posted by Judee on January 26, 2012 at 14:42
Thank you Sally-Jayne. It started out around 140 words, the whittling down was a fun exercise.
Posted by cjspalace on January 25, 2012 at 21:13
Really liked this, I like how you start off thinking she is just being a kill-joy but then you understand completely, very clever.
Posted by Judee on January 26, 2012 at 14:40
Thanks for commenting cj, Yes, she had some powerful reasons, I’m glad that came through.
Posted by Lorely on January 25, 2012 at 19:04
Goodness, that’s a very powerful piece. I’m glad he took it back! I’d have wanted him to do the same, even without the history! 16 is too young to be footloose with your own car!
Posted by Mike on January 25, 2012 at 17:22
Wow. I could feel the pain and tension in this story.
Some gifts can bring back such powerful emotions.
Thanks for a great read.
Posted by Judee on January 26, 2012 at 14:38
Thank you Mike, that’s what I was aiming for, glad it worked!